The Wrong Direction
by Shadic the Hedgehog Author
Summary: Kamina is called to help out in Evangelion, but he ends up going in The Wrong Direction, and ends up in the Nobody Dies version of the world. This is a short story, written entirely on the Spacebattles forums before posted here.
1. Beginning in The Wrong Direction

**"Kamina of Jiiha Village."**

"Yeah? What do you want?"

**"Your Hot Bloodedness has made you chosen to help save another world."**

"Reeally, now...? And what do I get outta this?"

**"Your reward will be decided by your actions."**

"Well isn't that a rip-off!"

**"But it will be great. Now, go to your new destiny!"**

"Um, okay..." The deceased man, not knowing which way he was supposed to go, ran off in the direction that "felt right." Unfortunately (or maybe not), this was...

**The Wrong Direction**

"So where the hell am I now?" Kamina found himself standing in a strange place of metal mountains and strange black ground, with strange, boxy, faceless mini-Ganmen moving about on strange circular legs.

_"Heee~eey."_ Kamina jumped at the voice from behind him. It was a strange, light-blue-haired girl with bright red eyes and a twisted(?) smile. "Woooow, I've never seen anyone like you before! You've got such awesome tattoos! And your sunglasses...!"

Kamina blinked as he realized his awesome angular shades were suddenly not on his face, but on the face of the girl. "Hey! Just who the Hell do you think I am?! Give those back!"

The girl seemed to think it over for a second before smiling. "Nope!" And she was gone.

"Great. Now how am I supposed to look badass? I don't even have my cape!" Kamina grumbled, before suddenly spotting the girl a few metres away, wearing his sunglasses _and his cape!_ He quickly charged after her. "Give me my stuff!"

She just laughed as she ran.


	2. Continuing in The Wrong Direction

**Continuing in The Wrong Direction**

"Looks like Rei's found a new playmate," commented Fuyutski.

"Oh? Anyone we know?" replied Gendo.

"He doesn't look familiar to me. He's about, hm, two feet taller than most of us with dark-ish blue hair and tattoos all over his torso. Rei apparently stole his sunglasses and cape, from what he's been shouting."

"He doesn't have red eyes does he?"

"No, they're brown, though it's a little hard to tell."

_"Dammit, get back here!"_ was heard echoing through the office.

"The hell?" commented Fuyutsuki.

_"Nu-uh!"_ replied Rei's voice. That's when they heard the banging noises coming from the ceiling.

"Wait, they were just in the middle of down-town Tokyo-3, how the hell did they get in the ventilation ducts of NERV without anyone spotting them?"

Gendo raised an eyebrow at Kozo. "This _is_ Rei we're talking about."

"Ah, right."

There was another loud bang, followed by a crash as one of the ducts fell apart, sending Kamina to the floor of Gendo's office.

"Gah!" Kamina rubbed his back as he stood up. "Damn, how am I supposed to catch that girl?"

"Excuse me." Kamina jumped as he found Gendo standing directly behind him. Kozo blinked as he realized he hadn't noticed Gendo getting up, let alone walk behind the man.

"Yeah? What do you want? I'm busy here!"

Gendo adjusted his glasses, hoping they were at the right angle to cause his "Scary Shiny Glasses" effect. "What are your intentions towards Rei?"

Kamina blinked, dumbfounded (A/N: not that that's hard...). "That her name? I just want my stuff back!"

Gendo nodded. "Rei."

"Yeeaa~aah?" Kamina jumped again, clutching at his heart as Rei, still wearing his stuff, appeared next him from seemingly nowhere.

"Give the man his things."

"Awwww. Can't I keep 'em?" Her eyes seemed to grow larger and shinier. "P-p-pleeeeeease?"

Gendo rubbed the bridge of his nose, carefully not looking at the Puppy Dog Look Rei was giving him. "No. Though, we could probably make replicas for you."

"Yay!" Kamina blinked as his world turned orange again, and he felt the familiar feeling of fabric against his back.

"So what's your name?"

Kamina grinned, before thrusting his pointer finger in the air. "The reputation of Team Gurren echoes far and wide across Jiiha village! When they talk about its badass leader, that paragon of indomitable spirit and masculinity... they're talkin' about me, THE MIGHTY KAMINA!!"

Fuyutsuki had just recovered from the Puppy Dog Look when he was struck dumb again, this time from Rei's sudden acquisition of... sparkles and a look of adoration. Which was being directed towards Kamina.


	3. More of the Wrong Direction

**More Adventures in The Wrong Direction**

Kamina was bored. This was not a good thing. Back in Jiiha Village, he'd try breaking out with the pig-moles again, and when he was fighting on the surface alongside Simon, he'd have found some Beastman to fight. He didn't have to worry about boredom after he had died, because everything was awesome on the plane of Infinite Badass.

Jack Rakan was Kamina's best friend after Simon. This scared the other Badasses.

Kamina didn't know anyone in Tokyo-3 other than the people at that NERV place. He also couldn't believe how they'd managed to make him bored while sitting in a Ganman, although he had been repeatedly told that Go-kun, Ichi, and Zwei were all "Evangelions." Like he could be bothered with such a big word. All giant robots were Ganmen to him.

Anyways, as I said, Kamina was bored. Luckily for him, but not anyone else, his boredom was soon alleviated.

"Heee~eeey."

"Hey, Rei!" It showed just how used to it he had gotten that he no longer jumped when Rei popped up out of nowhere. Or vents.

"Soooo, Kamina? I was wondering... You wanna go hang out with me and Go-kun in the simulator?"

"That thing where we can fight stuff without actually having to find stuff to fight?"

"Mm hm!"

"Sure!"

It amazed people, save those who _really_ knew Rei, that Kamina was able to follow her through the vents, considering he was a good two-and-a-half feet taller than her, and half again as wide. It wasn't long before they popped out in NERV central, right in front of Go-kun.

"**Hi, Rei! Hi, Kamina!"** greeted Go-kun.

"Hey there, big guy!" replied Kamina.

"**I'm not Big Guy, JAP is Big Guy!"**

"You know what I mean!"

Rei quickly explained to Go-kun about her idea for fun, though Kamina didn't understand most of what she said, due to how she said it. The EVA thought it was a great idea, and opened up the Entry Plug for them to get into, as soon as they had changed into their Plug Suits.

Kamina, because he was now an official Pilot, had a custom Plug Suit of reds and blues, with the Team Gurren crest emblazoned on the back. He and Rei climbed in, but just before they could start up the VR system and have some fun (Kamina didn't know what "nookie" was, but it sounded fun!), an alarm klaxon sounded.

-

-

-  
**You are, all of you, Garbage.  
We shall move the surface of this world until the mountains become valleys.  
I am the shaking of the world that crumbles what you've built.  
I am the thundering of stone as it crushes that which lies beneath.  
I am the Hammer of God.  
Angel of the Earthquake.  
I am Sui'el.  
I am Here.**

(A/N: Sui'el is my own creation, though it would honor me greatly if Gregg Landsman would use him)**  
**


	4. Penultimately the Wrong Direction

**Penultimately the Wrong Direction**

**ALERT.  
AT FIELD DETECTED.  
BLOOD PATTERN TYPE BLUE: CONFIRMED.  
15TH ANGEL: CONFIRMED.**

"What kind is this one?!" shouted Misato as NERV's command centre went into a minor panic at the advent of another Angel approaching.

Junior clicked before replying, **It is one of the Cherubim. However, unlike my brethren, I cannot say what it is capable of.**

Misato nodded in acknowledgement before turning to the big screens. One showed the path of the Cherub, while the other was a real-time view of the area. "Why isn't it on the screen? Is it invisible?" _That's just what we need,_ she thought, maliciously.

"The signal is coming from underground!" reported Aoba. "That's why it isn't showing up on the map!"

"How are we supposed to fight an enemy that's underground?!"

Suddenly, the whole of Tokyo-3 shook, the quake felt all the way to the bottom of the Geofront, and even into the plugs, where, so far, only Rei and Kamina were ready to go (though they were the only ones who knew their position). Shinji and Asuka were still on their way.

Kamina's eyes widened, he and Rei having been listening in, before flashing back to his time in Jiiha. More specifically, to the danger earthquakes represented. He had seen what the Geofront was, and it struck him as, simply, a much larger version of the pit he grew up in. There were people involved in this, and if the Geofront collapsed, so did the city on top of it.

Gritting his teeth, Kamina swam into the Pilot's seat and grabbed the handles. "Captain!" He shouted, opening a channel. "I'm gonna fight that thing. Just thought I'd give you a heads-up. Go-kun! LAUNCH!"

"Kamina, WAIT!" shouted Misato, but it was too late. Go-kun, overriding the locks, like he had upon initial activation, shot to the surface. Misato grit her teeth. "Damn that man. What's his sync ratio?"

"It's about... 90%!" exclaimed Maya.

"That high already?"

Yui nodded, "Kamina told me about his past. Where he came from, earthquakes were a big deal, because they lived in an underground village. I think... He's afraid."

"What?"

"Oh, not for himself." Yui chuckled, in spite of the situation. "He's afraid for the people that this Angel might hurt."

Back with Go-kun, Kamina was practically glowing green from the fighting spirit he was pouring into the EVA. Rei watched him with light surprise on her face, before it changed to a soft, but still bright, smile. Go-kun hit the surface, and Kamina, instinctively, pulled up the map that would guide him to Sui'el's location.

He charged towards the Cherub's location, Go-kun's quadrupedal nature keeping it upright as another quake hit. As he reached the location, he pulled back Go-kun's clawed arm.

"Earth-shattering FIST!" Kamina cried as the claw hit the ground and released a plasma blast that ripped the ground around Sui'el to pieces.

The Angel's form was... strange. It was circular in shape, with two circular-saw-like appendages in front tearing it a path as its four piston-like legs shoved it through the ground, another pair near the front pulling back to help break up the stone and cause another quake. Sui'el stopped as it noticed the Evangelion in above it, and changed direction.

*CLANG* The two legs that were about to strike the rock had instead struck two of Go-kun's legs, tipping the Eva forward slightly. Kamina took advantage of this, preparing the drill-arm.

"DRILL STRIKER!" Kamina roared out. Unfortunately, the drill skittered off the armoured hide of Sui'el, and Go-kun landed on top of it, knocking Kamina around in the seat a beat. "DAMMIT!" Kamina shoved hard against the controls then crossed his arms. "I guess that's what I get for trying to use Simon's weapon..."

Suddenly, Rei was on Kamina's lap, where she pulled the safety belt over them and clicked it into place. She then grabbed the controls and smiled, looking at Kamina off to the side. "What if we were to add our fighting spirits together?!"

Kamina's grin rivalled Rei's as he placed his large hands over hers. "Of course! Just as Simon and I combined Gurren and Lagann, we can combine this 'sync ratio' thing and increase our power, too!"

They both looked forward as Rei's eyes glowed red and Kamina's glowed green. Go-kun's eye flashed brightly, and they suddenly found themselves upright and behind Sui'el.

Back in NERV, Maya was in shock from the reading she was getting from her console. "Th-this is impossible! No! It's _beyond_ impossible! Their combined sync ratio is **over one thousand!**

"_**WHAT?!"**_ shouted almost everyone else. Yui was especially surprised, as that had to mean that at least one of them had attained a score of over 400%, which should have fused them to the Eva, but...

"Now!" Kamina and Rei cried together, both still in the flesh and glowing their respective colours. Go-kun's claw scooped beneath the Cherub and tossed it into the air, the claw leaving a glowing red trail behind it. Then, glowing green, the drill spun faster and faster, seemingly growing to twice its length as it spun. The screens on Go-kun that formed to look like Kamina's sunglasses glowed a bright blue, before lancing out with a beam that paralyzed Sui'el in the air, just before Kamina cried out the name of the finishing blow he had made so long ago.

"**GIGA!!!"** Go-kun's legs tensed. "**DRILL!!!!"** They launched. "_**BREAK!!!!!!!!!"**_ Go-kun left behind a white trail as it flew through Sui'el, which was helpless in the air, even if it hadn't been struck by Go-kun's mysterious new beam.

The Eva landed on the other side and assumed a quick pose as the Angel exploded.

Makoto looked at his screen, just as Asuka and Shinji arrived. "Pattern Blue silenced. The Angel is dead."


	5. Returning from the Wrong Direction

**Returning from The Wrong Direction**

**Father, I've found Kamina.**

_Finally. Give me the coordinates. I'm sending one of mine to retrieve him._

**Yes, Father.**

-------

"You're lucky that you're not an official pilot, Kamina. Your reckless charge could've gotten you and Rei killed," Gendo glared at Kamina, who stared resolutely back. "As it is, I'm going to have to place you in solitary confinement. Yui is taking care of Rei's punishment."

"That won't be necessary, Commander Ikari," came a voice from, out of nowhere. Kamina looked around. That voice sounded... Familiar? Finally, a figure shimmered into view next to Gendo's desk.

Gendo merely turned to look at the man. "And why is that?"

"Because I'm here to take him home."

Kamina then placed the voice. "Simon!" he cried. "How'd you get here?"

"Sorry, Kamina. I'm not Simon," the man grinned a crazy smile. "I could have been, though. To differentiate between us, you can call me Captain GARlock. I'm what Simon would have been if you hadn't died in the Battle of Dai-Gunzan."

Gendo's eyes widened, as did Rei's and Yui's as they entered the office. Rei's smile froze, before she suddenly transported beside Kamina.

"You're _dead?!_" she asked, her voice either amazed or horrified.

Kamina scratched the back of his head, "Did I forget to mention that?"

Captain GARlock smiled wider, "Don't worry, Kamina. I'll take give you some time before I take you back to the Plane of Infinite Badass. Have some fun before you go."

Rei had a sudden look of determination on her face, "You're coming with me." She grabbed Kamina's arm and dragged off the larger man.

Yui and Gendo turned towards Captain GARlock. "So... Who are you?"

-----

Kamina followed Rei to... wherever it was she was taking him. She had been pushing buttons on some device as she walked, until finally nodding and putting it away. They stopped for a moment as Rei opened a set of very large doors with a key card.

Kamina whistled as he looked up. "Those are some huge doors!"

"They're called the Gates of Heaven. My mom lives in here."

"I thought Yui was your mom."

"She's the one who raised me, but this is my real mom! Her name's Lilith!" Kamina's eyes widened as he beheld the crucified form of Lilith. Surrounding the pool of LCL beneath her, were six other Rei's.

"And them?" Kamina pointed at the Ree.

"Those are my sisters! There's Kiko and Iti and Siyon and Nana and Hatchi and Zyuu!"

"So, why'd you bring me here?"

"Well," said Rei, as she stepped forward, "we wanted to play a game."

"A game? I don't have time for games... Well, I guess GARlock did give me some time... Okay, what kind of game?"

The Ree and Rei smiled, and Lilith seemed to without actually being able to emote through her mask, then they all shouted as one, before tackling Kamina.

"**NOOKIE!"**

(later)

"Ready to go back?" Captain GARlock asked Kamina, who had a stupefied grin on his face.

Kamina just nodded before they both vanished, leaving behind only memories, the only real evidence of his visit being Rei's new cape and sunglasses.

Well, as far as we know...

(Epilogue)

"Welcome back, Kamina!" boomed the giant Jack Rakan. He was equal in height to Kamina, but twice as wide and muscled.

"Good to be back, Jack!" He sat down with the other badasses at the poker table. Later, they would all wonder why Kamina would break out in a huge grin whenever he saw vegetables.

But he would never tell.


End file.
